You can teach most people to code.
Sure, some will take to it quicker than others, and some methods might work better for one individual than for another. But coding can be taught, and that learning can be measured through concrete testing and metrics over time.
It’s much harder to teach soft skills like empathy and communication.
These are important skills to learn — and for new managers, they are arguably more important than technical knowledge. According to a Yale University study cited by the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM), employees are happier and better at their jobs when they have an emotionally intelligent and empathetic manager.
“Feeling comfortable communicating with your leader provides a positive and trusted work environment and sets an example of how the larger team should treat one another,” said Christie Hoelting, vice president of midwest agency sales at advertising data platform VideoAmp.
Hoelting knew the importance of empathy and authenticity from her own experience, so she was able to cultivate those skills in management. As a new leader, though, the soft skills you need might surprise you.
For example, James King, sales director at Microsoft Data Platform tool developer Redgate Software, highlighted an underrated soft skill: Time management.
“The reality is, your calendar will get busier than you have ever seen it and you will have a lot less control over it,” said King. “Getting a grasp of that quickly will save you from inevitable burnout.”
Built In LA sat down with Hoelting and King to learn about their relationship to soft skills as new leaders. They opened up about what skills managers need most, why they’re important and how they developed them.
What are the most important soft skills for you as a leader?
As a leader, I’ve always aimed to be someone my team feels is easy to approach and communicate with. I find it important to bring my authentic self to work daily to show my team that while I’m their leader, they can relate to me and have a close connection with me.
Part of communication is having empathy and being able to solve problems. When an employee encounters difficult career or life situations, I’ve found it’s OK to show them emotion and let them know you truly care. I’m also someone who is a firm believer that there are always two sides to a story — when a conflict arises amongst employees, I’ve learned over the years to understand where each person is coming from and try to find the commonalities between their stories to help formulate a solution.
What made you recognize the importance of those soft skills, and how did you develop them?
Over the years, I’ve worked with peers or leaders who only showed their professional selves, and I found myself not being able to relate to or trust those people. I made it my personal core value to always be my true self with those I work with and show others that it’s OK to have fun, let your guard down and be real in the workplace.
I was reminded of how important it is to be your true self when I made a job change. I had worked for a company for many years where I was known for being a vocal, caring and authentic leader. When I left that organization to go work for a new company, I thought I had to reinvent myself to ensure my success. That new job didn’t work out — in time, I was able to reflect back and realize that because I was not being my authentic self, I not only lacked confidence in that role but I found myself extremely unhappy.
That experience, coupled with the success I’ve had leading large teams, has taught me the importance of having the confidence to be myself, to care for your employees as you do your family and that it’s OK to let your guard down.
I’ve found it’s OK to show them emotion and let them know you truly care.”
Which soft skills did you find it hardest to develop when you first started in a leadership role, and why?
Having confidence in myself. When I was put into my first leadership role, I was asked to lead a sales team that consisted of people that were not only my peers, but also my friends. I felt incredibly uncomfortable asking them to complete tasks or provide me with account-level updates, and I was struggling with how I could both provide them value as their leader while keeping our friendship. As a result, I found myself feeling not only unhappy but lonely.
In time, I learned that the way to overcome my discomfort in leading my peers was to not put pressure on myself to be the smartest or the most strategic person in the office because I was their leader. Instead, I asked myself where I could add value to their business and how I could be looked at as more of a support function to help in their success. As soon as I got out of my own head and stopped putting pressure on myself, I was able to gain the confidence and clarity to provide them value as their leader.
What are the most important soft skills for you as a leader?
Emotional intelligence. It is a skill that is hard to learn, but it has enabled me to build a strong culture of trust and enablement across my whole team. You have to be able to understand where your team is emotionally and mentally before you can begin any sort of meaningful engagement — when you recognize them as a person first and an employee second you can really take that relationship to the next level.
Another skill that is vital for a newly developing manager is time management. I think it is a big misconception that as a manager you just sit back drinking coffee and getting other people to do work.
What made you recognize the importance of those soft skills, and how did you develop them?
When I started working at Redgate 12 years ago, I instantly found a great culture and working environment. Everyone was so happy to be at work, and I can honestly say that in the time I have been here, I haven’t once experienced the Sunday blues. I had come from pretty toxic work environments, so it was refreshing and eye-opening to be in a place that put employees above profit.
That empathy also helped us be far more open to feedback and have a strong team attitude. Instead of a sales floor of individuals, it is a team sport — everyone is there to help you, from your sales team to the product teams to marketing. When you can build an environment where everyone is rowing in the same direction, you can really see the results faster — and you create something that people won’t want to leave.
I realized quickly that I was trying to do everything for everyone, and as a result I was losing control of my workload.”
Which soft skills did you find it hardest to develop when you first started in a leadership role, and why?
One of the hardest soft skills for me is time management. I was never naturally gifted with organization, but it becomes vitally important the further you climb up the leadership ladder. I realized quickly that I was trying to do everything for everyone, and as a result I was losing control of my workload. Part of this was probably me trying too hard to please everyone — learning to say "no" is something you really have to work on. This is especially true if you are new to leadership and trying to impress your team or your own manager.
I was fortunate to have some personal coaching from Mark Hayes, who taught me to think carefully about whether you should “do, delete, delegate or delay.” This was a big turning point for me.
Keep in mind: What are your primary objectives and key results? If the task you are about to put in your diary doesn’t fit your objective or help your results, what are you doing it for? Can you delegate it to someone else or does it need to be deprioritized?
You have to be really strict on that front with yourself. This also frees you up to work on the important part of your leadership role: decision-making and problem-solving.
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